


A Grim Reminder (SNK boys x Neko! Reader)

by Zombie_Fanta



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cannon Divergence, F/M, Jean is out of character, Reader Insert, fem reader - Freeform, i'll add more as the story progresses, neko, neko! reader, reader interactive, reader x snk, reader x snk boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10112291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zombie_Fanta/pseuds/Zombie_Fanta
Summary: When (F/N) (L/N) was a child, she was locked away by her parents in fear of being attacked/harassed for her cat ears, tail, and fangs. When the colossal titan kicks down the wall, it's up to her to join the military and survive, all the while hiding her feline similarities. Will she succeed? Will she survive? And, most importantly, will she be able to find love?





	1. Chapter 1: The beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aestheticbleach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticbleach/gifts), [peach_liy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peach_liy/gifts).



> Hello everyone I hope you all enjoy my first fic (especially aestheticbleach and cptn_trashy ;)) uh, just a few notes for what certain things mean if you're confused:  
> (Y/N) means to insert your first name  
> (L/N) means to insert your last name  
> (F/C) means to insert your favourite colour  
> (E/C) means insert eye colour  
> (H/L) means insert hair length and  
> (H/C) means insert hair colour...  
> Hope you enjoy the first chapter! >.<  
> (Oh, and the colour of your tail and ears is all up to you to decide uwu)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys my computer glitched so now the whole thing is just one big block of text -_- it's just for this chapter though, sorry about that

No one really knew what was wrong with you. The claims were all different, some thought it was just a simple genetic mishap or a birth defect of sorts, others shrieked and claimed you to be a demon or a witch. While no one really knew what was true, not even yourself, one thing was for certain; For whatever the reason, 12 years, 8 months and 7 days ago, a beautiful baby girl was born with a little bit more than what was expected. You can only imagine the look of shock on the doctor's (not to mention your parents) faces when a tiny little girl was birthed with the ears, fangs, and tail of a cat. Some people wanted you dead at first, claimed you were a demon sent here on Earth to destroy it, as if the titans hadn't already done a good enough job of that. But your parents were loving and protective of their daughter, and would never let anyone lay their filthy hands on you. As a result you grew up within the walls of the Shiganshina district, isolated and hidden away from the dangers of the world in your little brick house. Your parents never really let you outside, fearful that you would be attacked because of your extra cat abilities and parts. Your parents loved you deeply, but never once let you outside of the house for the 12 years of your life you've been living. You were home schooled, and never saw other kids your age ever. You didn't really mind, though. You spent most of your life painting, drawing, and singing. Your mother always said you had a beautiful voice, and you would always beam happily in response and hope it was true. This very morning was the same as any ever. You woke up bright and early, and walked over to your mirror immediately, sitting down on the soft (F/C) chair your mom had placed there many years ago. You didn't even need to turn a light on despite it still being dark outside, because your powerful (E/C) eyes had learned to adjust themselves fully to the darkness, allowing you to see everything in your room clearly as if it were day time. You brushed your (H/L) (H/C) hair out as you sang a tune quietly to yourself, a song about having wit, and a better kiss and a hotter touch, whatever that meant. Hours passed as you got dressed and sang more songs, and painted and danced and just overall had a good time. Your tail suddenly stopped swishing and your ears perked up when you heard a chorus of screams from outside, followed by a loud crash that made you jump and yelp. You immediately took shelter under the covers of your bed, shaking slightly. The noise sounded really close, and now you can hear even more thuds, crashes, and gargled screams not too far away. You scream as your door is burst open, but immediately calm when you realize it's just your mom, although she looks scared and distressed with tears streaming down her face. She's holding a bundle of clothes in her hands, and you stand up and hug her. "Mom, what's going on outside?!" You say shrilly. "I'm s-scare-" You're cut off abruptly by your mom shushing you and placing a black beanie on top of your head, covering your ears effectively. It's a little bit harder to hear this way, but you can manage. She also reaches around you and tucks your tail inside your skirt, concealing it. You raise your eyebrows in protest, but she only grabs a small bag from beside your dresser, stuffing your belongings inside. She grabs your hand and practically drags you outside. You squint your eyes against the harsh light of the sun, but keep running alongside your mother. Once your eyes quickly adjust to the light, your eyes widen in shock and you whimper at the sight. All around you are humanoid monsters, all at least 4 meters tall but some reaching heights of what looks like 20 meters. They all resemble a man's physique, and frighten you so much your legs feel like rubber and tears well in your eyes. What are these monsters? What are they doing here? A million thoughts run through your head as you and your mom run through the rubble of the destroyed houses, towards a large boat people seem to be boarding. She almost made it... Suddenly, your mom trips over something, and screams as she falls to the ground. You fall as well, turning to face her on the ground. She can't get up in time... Too quickly for you to scream or even cry, a large monster with short blonde hair and silvery muscular skin reaches down and grabs your mother, and swallows her whole. You're paralyzed in shock, until suddenly you're scooped up into strong arms and your rescuer starts to run towards the boat with you. Looking up, you see a kid about your age with soft brown hair and teal eyes, a colour you've never seen before. He's really attractive, you thought with a blush. Once he makes it to the boat with you, he sits you down beside him leaning against a wall with two other kids your age. One has blonde hair and blue eyes and blushes when he looks at you, the other is a girl with long black hair wearing a red scarf who glares at you menacingly. The kid who saved you extends his hand for you to shake, and you take it awkwardly, as you had never shook a hand up until this point in your entire life. "Thank you for saving me," You speak quietly. "I'm (Y/N)." The kid with the dreamy eyes looks down and blushes slightly. "I'm Eren. Nice to meet you, (Y/N)."


	2. Together To The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) wakes up from a nightmare and finds comfort in someone previously unexpected... Training for the 104th Trainee Corp begins, and (Y/N), Eren, Armin, and Mikasa make a vow to protect each other until death if needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just a little bit longer than the last one  
> this was also so weird to write omg you seriously have no idea  
> next chapter will be juicier, I promise

Not being used to running ever, you fell asleep surprisingly fast, with the waves of the river slowly rocking the boat back and forth. Before you fell asleep though, you did get to talk to Eren, Armin and Mikasa a little bit. Only really enough to introduce yourself and shake the hands you hadn't shook already, because now wasn't really the time to have a friendly conversation.   
Eren was visibly aggravated at something, Armin looked frightened and shaky, and you could tell that Mikasa was definitely not the friendly type. The only thing she said to you was a monotone "hello," and it sounded very forced.  
Eren and Armin both seemed alright though, and you found yourself wondering if they would possibly be your first ever friends.   
You also learned that they were all friends before you showed up, which made you feel slightly awkward. They also told you that Mikasa was like Eren's adopted sister of some sort, and you knew better than to ask any of them about either of their parents.  
You also hadn't bothered to ask Eren why on Earth he would risk his life to save you, but you kept quiet in fear of offending him or having him question his own actions as well.   
You hadn't really comprehended that your mother had just died until she appeared in your dream.   
***  
You're sitting in your comfy (F/C) chair again, staring into your mirror. Your mother stands behind you with scissors in her hand. She works at snipping away the ends of your hair, just a trim because  
"Your hair is getting too long, (Y/N.)"  
It didn't really matter how long your hair was, you thought, but your mom claimed that it would get dirty and tangled and gross if you didn't have it trimmed every once and a while. You frowned into the mirror, noticing your mom starting to work at pieces close to your ears.  
"Be careful not to cut my ears, mom," You said, only half joking to which your mom chuckled a bit at.  
"Don't worry, sweetie. I'm not going to cut your ears. I only ever cut an ear off once, and that was my own," She says solemnly and your eyes widen, bringing your hands up to cover your ears protectively.  
"W-what?! Really?" Your mom laughs loudly at your astonishment.  
"No, of course not, you silly goose. I've never cut my own ears and I know I won't cut yours. Just relax, I'm almost done." You do as instructed, leaning back in the chair a little bit and letting both your shoulders and ears relax.  
Once she's done, she turns you around in your chair (it's one of those cool spinny ones) and kneels to be your height. She sighs and looks at the ground before speaking.  
"Listen, I know life is difficult for you not being able to go outside ever and not knowing other people your age, so I thought it would maybe make you feel better if I gave you something special," Your mom says with a hand on your shoulder and reaches into her skirt pocket to retrieve a fairly large, flat, rectangular box. There's a (F/C) ribbon wrapped around it and tied into a pretty bow on top.  
"Your father said that you needed a hobby, and I thought that this would be a good start." She handed you the box and you opened it slowly.  
Inside the box were 10 tubes of what looked like toothpaste, each one with a differently coloured nozzel. There were also little brushes of various sizes, and underneath that were many thin, white boards with a similar texture to paper. You raised an eyebrow in confusion.  
"It's for painting," your mom said happily. "You put the paint on the brush and draw on the canvas with it. Here, let me show you," and show you she did, and before you knew it she had painted a perfect portrait of you, all in less than an hour. You were in absolute awe at how perfect she got it, and swore to yourself that one day you would create a portrait of your mother for her to be amazed at in the same way you were right now.  
You hugged her close with a cheerful  
"Wow, thanks mom! It looks exactly like me! I'll make one of you someday, just wait and see!"  
Your mom smiled into the embrace.   
"I'm sure you will, (Y/N). I believe in you."  
***  
You woke up with a sudden jolt, silent tears streaming down your face. You didn't realize until now just how much you missed your mom, no, how much you needed her here. It was a strange feeling for you, to need something and just know that it's gone and you're never going to get it back.  
You clutch the ribbon wrapped around your neck from that very day you just revisited in your dream, the (F/C) ribbon that was wrapped around your first ever painting supplies. You had worn it around your neck ever since that day, never taking it off except to shower.  
It was night time and everyone was asleep, so you slowly removed your head from Armin's shoulder (which you don't know how it even got there in the first place) and silently cry to yourself in an attempt not to wake anyone. You sniffle and shake slightly though, and that's enough to wake up Armin.  
He doesn't know what to do at first, and actually ends up pretending to still be asleep for a few minutes until guilt overpowers him and he has to do something. He's not really used to people crying around him, and he's not too sure how to handle the situation.  
Slowly and very awkwardly, Armin scoots closer to you and places a hand on your shoulder. You jump in surprise, and look up at him apologetically.   
"S-sorry for waking you Armin, I really didn't mean to I just... Had a really bad nightmare," you whisper, embarrassed.  
Armin suddenly wraps his small arms around you, and you melt against him and just cry freely.  
"I'm sorry," You repeat, but Armin just shushes you in response.  
"It's okay, (Y/N). It's okay to have nightmares, it's okay to be upset and it's okay to cry. I can only imagine what you've been through," He slowly starts to stroke your hair that's not hidden by your hat, and you find yourself more and more tired until you eventually fall asleep again.  
* Time skip about a year *  
The four of you had been refugees for maybe a year now, but it felt like an eternity. You stuck together with Armin, Eren and Mikasa the whole time, because now you were all orphans and had literally no one else to go to. You soon became very good friends with them, and even Mikasa had started to open up a little bit, although she still did seem to scowl at you whenever you got too close to Eren.  
All this time you still had to conceal your cat ears and tail, and though it was a pretty easy task it was still quite irritating. Every morning you had to tie your tail tightly flat against your back under lose clothing so no one would see, and you had also learned how to pin your ears down under your hair easily without anyone seeing them.   
Your 3 new friends had told you of their plans to join the military, and you made the decision that you would go with them. To avenge mom, you thought to yourself as you twirled part of your ribbon around your fingers. I won't let your death be meaningless.  
You vowed to stick together in training, and never to turn on each other ever. You would remain together until death if that's how it had to be.  
And that brings us to the present, with the 4 of you standing in uniform saluting among rows of cadets, facing an angry tall man with sunken in eyes, who addresses you all as if you're nothing but livestock.  
"104th CADET CORP BOOT CAMP STARTS NOW! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF; I'M INSTRUCTOR KEITH SHADIS AND YOU WILL GROW TO HATE ME. TRAINING IS GOING TO BE WORSE THAN HELL, AND IF I DO THIS JOB RIGHT, YOU'LL BE WAKING UP IN A COLD SWEAT WITH MEMORIES OF THIS PLACE FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIVES! RIGHT NOW YOU'RE NOTHING, LIVESTOCK, BUT OVER THE NEXT 3 PAINFUL YEARS, YOU'LL LEARN TO TAKE DOWN YOUR OWN GOLIATH! REMEMBER THIS MOMENT WHEN YOU COME FACE TO FACE WITH IT, 'CAUSE HERE'S WHERE YOU ASK YOURSELF; AM I A FIGHTER, OR AM I FAKE? AM I GOING TO BE GROUND UP TO HUMAN PULP, OR AM I GOING TO BE THE ONE TO FIGHT?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time to see how (Y/N) does at training!


	3. WTH SASHA?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha thinks she's onto something. (Y/N) thinks she might be right...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most awkward thing I've ever done I hope you understand how much I suffer for you @Squidward @CorBal JimBo

You had zoned out for a while during Shadis' interrogations of your fellow cadets, humiliating and insulting them, and sometimes even physically harming them. You watched a boy with two different colours of hair and a confident attitude get head-butted to the ground just a moment before you spaced out completely. 

"CADET!" 

You barely even registered that Shadis was now directly in front of you, head tilted down and eyes seeming to stare through your soul. Your eyes narrow back at him as you straighten your spine and shudder just a little bit. 

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!"

You hesitate for a moment after he shouts in your face, screaming internally. You're beginning to become more annoyed, and suddenly become thankful that your tail is tied down because if it wasn't you would have it whipping back and forth angrily by now for sure. You flatten your ears even more against your head, something you do when you're angry or nervous. In this situation it's a little bit of both. 

"(F/N) (L/N), sir," you say in mock indifference. 

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU FROM?!" Shadis shouts again, and you nearly roll your eyes at him. You get what he's trying to do, but to be fair he is overdoing it just a little bit.

"I'm from Shiganshina district, sir," You nearly spit the last word, angered at this guys lame attempts to break you. You notice some cadets turn to face you at this, some wide eyed, others rolling theirs. Very mixed reactions indeed.

"AND WHY ARE YOU HERE, (L/N)?!" He yells lastly. 

"I'm here to avenge my mother's death and eliminate as many titans as possible in a lame attempt to help push humanity forward," You reply with no hesitation. "I can see that may be difficult, though, seeing I'm stuck with you as my instructor." 

You regret that last remark almost instantly when Shadis responds with a harsh slap across your face. It burns and stings and your left jaw was moved harshly to the side, and you can't hold back the loud hiss and bearing of fangs that you make in response, grabbing Shadis' arm tightly in your grip and lifting your fist up to punch him in the face, but drop both hands once you realize what just happened.

You feel your face heat up in embarrassment and your eyes widen as Shadis glares at you and you know you're in deep trouble.

*Time skip to that evening*

Running until sunset was a long and painful process, but your feline abilities have caused you to develop outstanding stamina and speed, to which a vast majority of the cadets and admittedly Shadis were impressed by. 

You sprinted alongside Sasha, or "Potato Girl," as the cadets had nicknamed her after she tried to eat a potato without being noticed during the interrogations or whatever they were. 

You chatted with her for most of the time, casual conversation as you ran laps around the camp grounds nonstop for over 7 hours. It was exhausting even with your boosted stanima and speed, and you wondered just how Sasha wasn't literally dropping dead with the way she was sweating and panting and practically dragging herself along.

You introduced yourselves to each other, and talked about your first impressions on the others, who were now watching you intently as you ran your final few laps. You were growing to like Sasha, as she had an optimistic attitude throughout the whole time and seemed like just an overall friendly person.

"Is Eren your boyfriend?" Sasha suddenly asked with a smirk, nearly making you trip and fall into the dirt as you passed by. He was staring not so secretly right at you as you ran past, which hadn't gone unnoticed by Sasha.

You felt your face turn red and tried to cover it with your hair from Sasha's view. "N-no, why would he be?" 

Sasha shrugs as the both of you begin your last lap together, the other cadets slowly leaving your line of vision once again. 

"Is Armin, then?" She asks hopefully and you nearly smack yourself in the face. Why did she insist on embarrassing you so much?

"No! What makes you think that either of them would be?"

Sasha shrugs again and looks directly at you for a moment, shiny brown eyes meeting sparkling (E/C) ones. 

"I dunno. The way they both look at you seems like at least one of them sees you as more than a friend, or at least wishes that you were. They have that certain gleam in their eyes when they see you, ya know?" You concentrate on your booted feet slapping the ground rythmically with Sasha's, because you don't exactly know what she means by that.

"Well, then again, I've noticed that most of the boys here seem to be looking at you that way, too. Have you not noticed?" Your ears almost shoot up in surprise, but you stop them before they can. You don't need Sasha finding out your secret so early, it was bad enough when you hissed at Shadis!

You blush a deep crimson and shake your head. 

"I don't think anyone is, really. I-I'm flattered that you would think that, but-"

"Face it, (Y/N); you know I'm right. Try to catch them tonight when everyone's eating dinner, I guarantee you will see what I mean." 

You finish the lap and after a quick shower, you go to the mess hall and sit down to eat dinner, feeling really bad for Sasha who had been denied meal privileges for that week. As a result she ended up going to bed early. 

You ate between Eren and Armin, with Mikasa on the right side of Eren. Across from you from left to right were Mina (a curious girl with pigtails and soft eyes), Connie (who seemed to be good friends with Sasha already), Jean (the boy who got head-butted earlier) , and Marco (A kind boy with freckles and a genuine smile). Everyone chatted pleasently with each other except for Mikasa, who remained relatively silent for most of dinner. 

As much as you hated to admit it, as you were walking down to the barracks, you realized that the guys were all indeed talking to you more than anyone else there, and they did have that certain "gleam in their eyes" that Sasha was talking about, although you found it difficult to describe.

You quickly changed into sleepwear once you were safe within the girls' dorm, and ended up sleeping in a bunk directly above Sasha. You felt slightly intimidated by a lot of the girls in the dorm, especially Mikasa and the girl with the blonde hair and hooked nose you didn't know the name of, and knew you would have to look out for them. 

You knew Mikasa was on your side and you knew you had each other's back when it came to survival situations (they had come up in the past), but she still did glare and tense up whenever you would look at or talk to Eren for what she deemed too long, and it was because of that sinister stare you knew deep down that you could not trust her fully.

You felt bad about it, sure, but you knew that you were right to be skeptical of Mikasa's strength and her secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao wtf even was this chapter I really got lazy near the end


	4. 3DMG Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) is excited to start 3DMG training... But is she cut out for it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, before this chapter begins I just wanted to say that the reason I haven't updated for like a week is because my computer's wifi adapter decided to cut off entirely for a few days, but I finally fixed it yesterday so I should be back to a regular updating schedule of 1-2 chapters per day :3

You woke up earlier than everyone else the next morning, eager to be able to test your balance on the 3DMG training today.

You took a quick shower after brushing your teeth and combing your hair, styling it in a way that would conceal your cat ears effectively. You also tied your tail around yourself again, slipping on a somewhat loose shirt that would hide any bumps to be made by it. If anyone found out that you were a Neko, heaven knows what they would do to you... 

Once you were done everyone else was still asleep, and you knew they would be for at least an hour more. You left your jacket hanging off the side of your bed, but changed into the pants and boots of the military uniform before heading off to breakfast.

You found the kitchen easily, and started to boil some water for tea while you spread some butter on toast. Once your breakfast was done you ate quickly and alone, hearing the other cadets starting to wake up and make their way to the cafeteria.

You placed your empty tea cup and butter knife in the sink before heading towards the girl's barracks again to retrieve your jacket. Once you had it on you walked back out to the mess hall, noticing that there was only one empty seat left now. It was beside Sasha and across from Jean, and Sasha beckoned you to sit down when she noticed you standing there. You smiled and did so. On the other side of Sasha was Connie, and beside Jean were Marco and a random girl you had never seen before, with two buns on either side of her head and bright green eyes. She was short and looked really angry, drinking coffee and glaring at everyone who walked by.( ;) ) 

Everyone was eating except for Sasha, because she wasn't allowed to eat in the morning. She looked really distressed at the fact that everyone else had food, and you felt really bad for her. Her eyes suddenly flicked over to you, wide with concern and fear.

"Aren't you going to eat anything, (Y/N)?" She asked quietly and you shook your head slightly.

"No, I already ate earlier. I was up before everyone else," You inform her.

Sasha looks down as if embarrassed, and you raise your eyebrows in question at Jean who only rolls his eyes at her in response. 

"Listen (Y/N), can you do me a small favour?" Sasha asks without looking you in the eyes. You shrug your shoulders at her.

"Depends on what it is, but yeah, proba-" You're cut off by Sasha suddenly jumping up and gripping your shoulder, and you can feel her nails through your jacket and see the pain in her eyes.

"Thanks, that's great! I haven't eaten in a day, and I need your help!" She practically shouts. "Now, what I need you to do is sneak into the kitchen for me and grab some food, anything will do!" You hesitate for a moment. "Please, (Y/N), I don't want to starve..." Sasha trails off and looks as if she's about to cry, so you begrudgingly nod twice and stand up, making your way towards the kitchen again.

You didn't really have to "sneak in" so much as walk right inside, since no one was in there in the first place. You silently grabbed a handful of things from a few cupboards, enough to sustain Sasha's hunger for hopefully the entire day, but not enough that any of the chefs would notice anything missing.

You walked back to your seat with all the food in your arms, dropping it in front of Sasha who smiled and hugged you tightly before digging into the feast that you had prepared. In a matter of minutes over half of it was gone, and you sighed with the realization that she would probably be demanding that you sneak back into the kitchen at least more than once again that day. 

Breakfast was over soon, and everyone was now lined up outside while Shadis shouted instructions again. You once again weren't really paying attention, but he was basically just saying how 3DMG training starts today and that most of you will fail and blah blah blah... You knew that you had pretty good balance, being a Neko and all, but sort of doubted your ability to suspend yourself upright in the air attached to wires.

You had to wait a little bit for your turn with the gear because there were no spots available at the time, and there wouldn't be for at least an hour. You walked around looking at how everyone was doing. You noticed Sasha first, swaying back and forth in a casual position but a focused look on her face. You gave her a smile and a thumbs up, which she enthusiastically returned before falling backwards and only being saved from hitting her head on the ground by Connie catching her.

You noticed Mikasa next, hanging effortlessly as if she was... Bored, or uninterested. It was so casual for her and so strange to see someone so balanced that you almost didn't notice that she had cut her hair. It was now jaw length and straight cut, and you made a mental note to ask her about it later. You didn't know when or why she had done it, because you have only been here for a day, after all.

You took in everyone else's progress, noticing most of them were failing but some managed to hold themselves upright with ease. You noticed Eren fall multiple times, but felt too awkward to go over and ask if he needed assistance. You were almost afraid to with the expression he had on his face... 

Once the hour was done it was your turn to try out the gear. Most people had left to take a break for a little bit, including Eren who was being treated for a head injury. You felt a little bit guilty for not helping him, but quickly pushed that thought aside when you remembered that would probably have only made it worse. 

So now you were being strapped into the 3DMG training stand, Jean awkwardly clipping the wires onto the loops on your hips and blushing every time his fingers would make contact with you. Sasha stood behind the rotating handle that she would spin to lift you off the ground, a nervous look on your face. Once Jean had finished clipping you in, he stood a few feet in front of you along with Marco, Connie, Ymir and Krista, you not really knowing why the last two decided to stay. Krista seemed really sweet but Ymir looked kind of threatening, standing stiff with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. Everyone looked nervous except for Ymir. 

"Do you think you're ready, (Y/N)?" Jean asked and you nodded uncertainly. you felt yourself slowly being raised, heard the rotating handle behind you moving as Sasha spun it. You started flat on your feet, then on your toes, then... Nothing! For a moment you were flying, hovering in midair, not touching the ground at all. Then, you were falling, falling fast and backwards and you gave a shrill scream as you nearly hit the ground before being caught in Jean's strong arms. Sasha lowered you to ground level quickly, and Jean let go of you once you could stand again. He ran back in front of you, blushing prominently and not looking into your eyes.

"Um, I'm not trying to be rude or anything but I think what you're missing is that you need to shift your body weight to your waist and a supporting leg. It's not easy, but you'll get the hang of it. Sorry," Jean says, feeling unsure of himself. You giggle a bit and nod.

"Thanks, I'll remember that. Thanks for catching me, too," You say, and you notice Ymir roll her eyes "subtly". You wanted to glare at her but knew it was best to not make enemies now. So you let Sasha lift you up again, Jean standing behind you in case you fell backwards again. You remembered what he said this time, and focused on centering your body weight to your abdomen and leaving your left leg outstretched for support. It was straining on your muscles, but you did manage to suspend yourself in the air for over 30 seconds before you realized what you were doing. You turned your head and smiled at Sasha and Jean, earning applause from Sasha and a proud look and thumbs up from Jean. 

Once the day was over you knew you had done it; you had mastered the 3DMG on the first day of training with it, all because of help from friends and strict determination. No one really wanted to admit it, especially not Ymir, but mostly everyone had a feeling that you were going to graduate in the top 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be spicier I p r o m i s e this time


	5. 104th Trainee Squad Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) finally graduates, and soon it will be time for her to choose which military branch she wants to join. An old "friend" makes a new appearance....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a major time skip in this chapter so let me know if you would like to see more scenes from training, because I've been thinking of making an entire other story just dedicated to (Y/N)'s training days but IDK if anyone would read that so pls let me know if you would read that or if I should stick to the time skip <3

The next few days were boring and dedicated to 3DMG training, which you and a few other cadets had already mastered. It turned out that Eren wasn't failing because he had bad balance, but that his training gear was actually loose. This sparked the interest of many, and most people were shocked at his incredible amount of strength and agility. While most of the cadets were still training with the gear, you would switch out which friends you would hang out with that day, just lazing around and not really doing anything at all.

The time for being lazy was cut short about a week later, with Shadis' announcement that hand to hand combat training would be starting that day. You were a little bit confused as to why hand to hand combat training was necessary when you would be spending most of your time fighting titans, but shrugged it off because you knew being able to fight other people was a skill that most people just need anyway. So now you stood across from Ymir on a flat square of dirt, with her holding a wooden dagger that you were instructed to try to steal. 

You looked to the area beside you to notice the short girl with green eyes and buns in her hair attempting to steal her dagger from her fighting partner, the tall ginger girl laughing and holding it high above her head as the green eyed one attempted (and failed) to jump up and grab it. ( ;) ) It was obvious who the winner of that fight was, and you knew it was obvious who the winner of your own was. Ymir was tall and powerful and fast, a great fighter, you knew. She twirled the dagger in one hand with a blank expression on her face, even tossing it up in the air and catching it in an attempt to anger you. 

Well, it was definitely working, and you felt yourself narrow your eyebrows and contort your mouth into an angry snarl. You even growled and hissed slightly, which luckily went unnoticed by anyone around you.

You watched Ymir intently, and she raised her eyebrows in question as if asking, "Are you gonna come try and get the dagger, or are you just going to stand there forever?" 

You answered the unspoken question by lunging quickly towards her, making a sharp move with your hand as if you intended to just swipe the dagger right out of hers. Ymir reacted by quickly shifting her arm down to her side, and you took the opportunity when she was distracted to send a forceful kick right to her shin, knocking her out from under herself.

She hissed in pain as you pounced on her, holding her arms down with your knees and wrestling the fake dagger out of her grip. Just for show, once it was in your possession you held it firmly against her neck, before letting go and standing up as if nothing had happened. 

You fought many other people after that, running into some awkward situations/positions with some of the boys... Your fights were as follows:  
(Y/N) vs Ymir, win  
(Y/N) vs Armin, win  
(Y/N) vs Annie, lose (you swore that girl wasn't entirely human)  
(Y/N) vs Eren, draw (neither of you could win against the other)  
(Y/N) vs Jean, lose  
(Y/N) vs Krista, win (which you felt incredibly guilty about and received a nasty look from Ymir afterwards).

Now the sun was setting, and you had stayed back to practice fight with Armin, just because you hadn't really hung out with him alot that week. Sasha had earned her meal privileges back today, and was really excited to get to eat dinner so left as soon as she was allowed to. You weren't really hurting each other, just sharing some techniques and skills you had learned today. You would stop yourselves right before you hit the other one, or try to slow down yourself as much as you could before you actually would by accident.

"Ymir really doesn't like you, does she," Armin asks as he blocks a fake punch to the face from you, but it's more of a statement than a question. 

You stand back with your arms blocking your face from Armin's next move, and shrug with a slight down turn of the corners of your mouth. "I guess not," you reply. "She doesn't really seem to like anyone though, other than Krista," you mumble and Armin nods as he attempts a new kicking technique he claimed to have seen earlier.

"Yeah, I guess. But she seems to really have something against you, as if you've done her wrong or something..." Armin pauses, and you take the moment to kick the wooden dagger out of his hand. It slides away into the grass. "Whatever, it's probably nothing. We should probably get our dinner before Sasha eats it," Armin says suddenly and retrieves the dagger from the grass.

He looks like he's hiding something from you, but you're not one to pry. So you walk back to the mess hall beside Armin, extremely tired from fighting all day. Everyone is already asleep by the time you two make it to the cafeteria, and your dinner is cold but you eat it anyway because you don't really have a choice. Out of nowhere, Armin suddenly blurts out something you hadn't really thought of before from the other side of the table.

"Who do you think will make it into the top 10?" he asks you. 

You take a sip of water before answering.

"I dunno. Mikasa, Eren... Annie. Jean, Reiner. Probably Ymir and Marco." You pause to take a bite of your bread. "Why?" You ask and Armin stands up. He looks a little bit hurt.

"Oh, no reason, I was just curious. I'm going to sleep now, good night, (Y/N)," he says abruptly and leaves you alone, sitting in the mess hall. It takes you longer than it should to realize that you forgot to mention him when listing off who you thought would make it into the top ten, and that he was probably hurt over that. 

You felt extremely guilty as you solemnly shuffled towards the girls dorm, changing your clothes before climbing into your bed above Sasha's and falling asleep almost immediately. 

***  
The next 3 years of training were grueling and the most difficult thing you've ever been through, physically AND emotionally. Some of the tasks you had to do made you consider quitting multiple times, leaving the military to get a job on a farm pulling vegetables and milking cows. But you kept pushing yourself to the limit, telling yourself that you've made it this far and it's too late to back down now, that you only had 2.5 years left, only 18 months left, only one year left, only 3 months left, only 2 days left....

You would be lying if you didn't say that your friends were the main reason you were able to make it through, with them always encouraging you to never give up and cheering you on every step of the way. You remained friends with everyone you had a previously established good relationship with, and remained... 'Not so close,' with everyone you had a previously existing bad relationship with. 

You fought as hard as you could, pushed yourself to the limit and as a result became one of the strongest soldiers there was in the 104th trainee squad. You ended up graduating in 2nd place, right next to Mikasa. You wanted to scream and jump up in the air with delight when you found out, but controlled yourself and didn't end up celebrating at all. 

You felt really bad when you learned that Armin hadn't made it into the top 10, and still felt just a little bit responsible for that, for making him doubt himself, but you tried your best to let it slide and focus on yourself. You knew he was a strong soldier, even if he lacked the necessary physical strength needed. He was an essential to your team, and you told yourself that you would tell him that if he ever felt upset or doubted his abilities ever again.

You were now stationed on top of Wall Rose, along with a bunch of other soldiers. You zoned out as they talked with each other, drowned out the commotion of Sasha stealing food from the kitchen again with your own thoughts. Eren was complaining that this was too boring, and everyone was either mad at Sasha or asking for a slice of whatever she had found.

Soon it would be time to choose what military branch you wanted to join, and you weren't so sure which one you wanted to join. You could always take the easy route and join the Military Police, but you didn't really want to make it seem like you had spent all these years of training just to live comfortably within Wall Sina. Because that wasn't your goal, your goal was to push humanity forward. You could also join the Garrison branch, become a stationary guard and continue what you were already doing today. Just standing around on top of a wall, not really interacting with titans at all.

No, you knew what was right for you. You had to push humanity forward, had to kill as many titans as possible. You had to get revenge on them for what they had done to your village, to your friends, and the only real way to do that was to join the Survey Corps. 

A sudden chorus of screams snapped you back to reality, and you drew your swords and jumped towards the noise as a reflex action. There, standing right in front of you, barely able to peer over the wall, was the colossal titan. You had seen sketches of it, seen diagrams of how small humans were compared to it, yes, you had been prepared for this. But having it be so close to you was alarming, no skin on it's face making it look disgusting and repulsive. You were barely the size of it's nose. 

You watched Eren spring into action, using his 3DMG to make his way to the nape of the colossal's neck. You followed quickly after him, but by the time you got to where he was there was already an eruption of steam and both the titan and Eren were gone. You shot your 3DMG at the wall, sling-shotting yourself forward and back to the top of the wall where you had started. You maneuvered your way to the rooftop of a house just a little bit below, and looked straight ahead towards the wall. 

The first thing you noticed was Sasha, one wire of her 3DMG at the top of the wall and the other in some guys leg that you didn't recognize at the moment. They were hanging halfway down the wall, just a few yards away from the new hole in the wall's entrance that the colossal titan had made. Titans of all sizes poured in through the entrance, wobbling around on unsteady legs and searching for any humans to devour. It was just like all those years ago; you knew you were losing another wall to the titans, and there was nothing you, or anyone could do to prevent it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment any suggestions you have, or ways I could make this story better :3 I love reading comments and I'm open to any suggestions or criticism!


	6. Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm so sorry for the delay and also for the shortness of this chapter... I've been kind of busy this March break *cough* SLEEPING IN AND HOLDING OFF WORK *cough* and didn't really get any chance to write... This chapter is shorter than usual because of that and I'm really supposed to be asleep because it's now 2:03 am, but I wanted to get this up before Monday :3 Enjoy...

You sprang into action, maneuvering your way to the top of the wall again. Only Connie, Eren, and Thomas were there. A stationary guard was there too, and the three cadets were saluting. You waited until the guard was gone to take his place and say anything.

"What did he say?" You ask frantically. "What's our next move?" 

Before anyone can respond a distinctive ringing of a bell is heard, and you peer over the edge of the wall again to see a stampede of people, all running and all moving in one direction. It looks like a migration or something, you think to yourself. An evacuation. Once the bell stops ringing, Connie speaks.

"He said to make our way back to head quarters and that the guards are already taking action," He notices your tense posture, your frightened (E/C) eyes. "Are you okay, (Y/N)?" He asks, and you nod in response. 

"Yeah, I'm fine... Just a little bit shaken up, that's all. We should start making our way back," You say, turning to face the inner wall, and the three boys nod. 

You hear the shouts of soldiers, shots of cannons, the screams of innocent people. It's all too much to handle, and all happened in such a short amount of time...

You fly through the air alongside Connie, Eren and Thomas, the wind blowing harshly in the opposite direction you're moving. It causes the fabric of your jacket to snap violently, messes up your hair and forces tears out of your eyes, but you can't complain about the wind right now. About halfway there you notice that, luckily, the titans haven't reached the head quarters yet. But you know not to be relieved, because you know that everything could change in just a matter of seconds.

Once you're back to headquarters and reunited with everyone, you refill your gas alongside Armin. Another soldier is talking, once again a standard guard.

"You cadets have successfully graduated!" He yells, loud enough for everyone there to hear. You turn your head to look at him. "You are now proper soldiers!" Those two sentences make the situation so much more real for you. It's now your job to find a solution to this situation, your turn to fight back as official soldiers at last. Training is now officially over, and that makes this horror all the more real. You turn to Armin, who looks very wide eyed and panicky. "I have high hopes for you in this operation!" 

You lock eyes with Eren for a moment, and gesture towards Armin with a subtle flip of your (H/C) hair. Armin seems to be struggling to get gas into his tank, and he seems on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Armin, are you okay?" Eren asks and looks back to you. You nod once, to clarify that's what you meant for him to ask. Armin doesn't look up, and once you're done filling your gas tank you step back quickly to stand beside Eren. 

"I'm fine!" Armin says a little bit too quickly. "I'll calm down soon enough!" You feel really bad for him, sorry that he has to go through this all over again. Then again, so do you. And Eren. And Mikasa... "Still, this is bad! We don't have the technology to quickly seal an 8 meter hole in the wall!" 

You feel your heart skip a beat at this, because you know that Armin's right. There's nothing you can do about it! Even if you could kill all the titans that were already inside, they would never stop flooding in again and again. That hole would take at LEAST weeks to repair, and that's not even assuming that the titans would attempt to break through it or damage it again. 

"The city's as good as lost!" You feel your eyes narrow at this.

"Stop being so negative!" You say a bit harshly on purpose, needing to get your point across. "You'll never accomplish anything if you're unmotivated and view everything with a negative attitude! It's true that it's going to be difficult, but we have to give it a try!" You try to tell yourself you're saying this mainly for Armin's sake, but you find your words also applying to what you had been thinking earlier, about hope being lost.

Armin seems to snap back to reality again at this, and he doesn't say anything although he nods three times and looks slightly more relaxed than he did before. Still absolutely terrified, but just slightly better. 

"Yeah, Armin. This isn't like last time. This time, humanity is fighting back!" Eren says, grabbing his arm.

Armin slouches slightly. 

"Sorry," he says calmly. "I'm sorry..." You turn around to see Mikasa, looking almost surprised. "I'm alright," Armin continues and you start to feel a little bit bad for him once again. 

You decide to sit down beside him, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. He's visibly shaking.

"Hey, Armin, it's okay. None of us are mad at you," you say calmly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," you say and look up to see that Mikasa has left. Armin looks up at you with calm, ocean-blue eyes.

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm not upset. I really needed someone to bring me back to reality, the REAL one. Thanks, (Y/N)," he says in the same tone. Once Armin's collected himself enough, the four of you (You, Armin, Eren and Mikasa) sit on top of a large crate to wait for further instructions. 

You're eventually instructed to head to the center of the head quarters, a large open space surrounded by the tall walls of the building but barren of any ceiling. The 104th trainee squad, officially soldiers now, stand in rows saluting a guy with sunken in eyes who reminds you strongly of Shadis. It felt just like it was 3 years ago...

You stood between Armin and Mikasa, staring straight ahead and listening carefully to the mans' orders. After all, whether you lived or died was pretty much up to his orders at this point, and how well you were able to execute them. That is, if everything were to go right. But over the years, you had taught yourself to never expect anything short of chaos, and that's exactly what all of this was. Chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm sorry for the weird updating time and the shortness of this chapter, I'll try to get back to regular updating schedules and chapter lengths again as soon as possible ;0


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I am so sorry for how late this is, I know it's been months since I last updated but I promise this time that I will be back to regular uploading times, about 1-3 chapters per week. I'm seriously so sorry for the wait to anyone who is actually committed to reading this story

"As practiced, you will now split into your squads and perform resupply, message relay, and titan clearing duties under the command of the Garrison Regiment! The Garrison Regiment's intercept squad will take the vanguard!" Kitz Weilman barks orders at the cadet squad and you feel your shoulders tense up. "The cadets, led by the support squad, will take the middle guard, and the Garrison Regiment's elite squad will take the rearguard! Additionally, I've received word that the advance team has been wiped out!" 

'Wiped out?!' You thought to yourself, 'how can an entire squad get "wiped out" just like that?" You certainly didn't like the idea, and hoped that you yourself would not become... 'Wiped out,' like they had apparently been.

A few hours later you stood on another rooftop along with Mina, Thomas, Armin, Eren, and some other of your fellow cadets. The cadets were ordered by Kitz Weilman, a captain of the Garrison Regiment, to take middle guard. Mikasa was taken into the elite squad for rearguard, which was unsurprising considering that she did graduate in the top of your class.

You were now standing around with the rest of the cadets in your area, watching for any titans from the slanted roof of a house. You look over to see Eren saying something to Armin, but you can't hear what it is from where you're standing. You can catch barely enough to know that it's something about them moving up in the world, and their plans on joining the Scout Regiment once the time comes. You watch Mina approach them confidently. 

"Not to burst your bubble or anything, but there are a lot of people trying to get into the Scout Regiment this time!" She says with her hands on her hips and a sly grin on her face. 

Thomas walks over to stand beside her, and you move slightly closer to the group so you can hear them better. 

"Let's see which one of us can kill the most titans," Thomas suggests. You're not quite sure how to feel about that, if it's really safe or not, but everyone else seems pretty much on board with it.

"Don't lie about your numbers," Eren says with a smirk, and you can't help worrying a bit for everyone else. This will pretty much be the first time any of you attempt to fight actual titans, and these people want to make a competition out of it? You tell yourself that you will not be participating, and if anyone asks why you'll just say that you think it's immature to kill titans as part of a game. 

Someone lands on a neighboring roof to yours, but you don't turn your head.

"34th Squad, advance! Support the vanguard!" Someone shouts, and then they're gone as quickly as they arrived.

You draw your swords at the same time everyone else does, and Eren seems to take the leadership role when he shouts, "Alright, let's go!" And starts running forward as soon as everyone else gives the okay.

You run forward with the other cadets, slowing yourself down a little bit so that you don't accidentally get in any of their ways. You all dart across rooftops as one big group, rarely using your 3D Maneuver Gear unless you can't jump a certain height or distance on your own. (Being a Neko you are actually able to jump a bit higher and farther than the average person is on your own without using the gear, but no one seems to notice with you being behind the group and everyone being focused on either titans or themselves. 

Once you reach the vanguard location everyone just sort of breaks off on their own, staying in the general area but not too close to one another. You can't see any titans yet, but you know that they are around. 

The first titan you encounter gets killed swiftly by a cadet you can't see the face of before you even really have time to get your blades ready. It was a 4 meter class and moved very slowly, and you know he would have let you handle it on your own if it weren't for the stupid competition that Thomas and Mina had conjured up. You move faster after that, not caring for the contest but still knowing that your kill count, well, counts for something.

You move quickly, killing any titans that get in your way as you go. After just 3 total solo kills you hear Mina exclaim that titans are trying to break into headquarters, and that if you don't stop them no one will be able to resupply on blades or gas. You watch them claw at the windows and try to kick down the doors from your spot on a rooftop nearby. You notice Eren hanging off the roof ledge by one arm, and you've just started kneeling down to offer him a hand when you notice a large abnormal titan that's wrapped all of it's limbs around a tall section of the headquarters structure. 

It slowly shifts it's head to the side, just enough for you to see what was hidden behind the building before. 

Thomas Wagner's top half hangs limply out of the beast's mouth, and you can see that he is still alive and struggling against it's powerful jaws. He mouths something unreadable before the titan takes no time at all in recklessly swallowing him whole, with you and the other cadets in your group as witnesses. You hear Armin give out a short noise from beside you, something between a scream and a whimper. 

Your jaw hangs open, and you find yourself unable to react physically. Someone you had known well through years of training just died at the hands of a titan right in front of you, all in the span of less than 10 seconds. He didn't get a chance to say goodbye to anyone, he didn't even scream as the creature held him between it's teeth mercilessly... You can feel tears start to well up in your eyes, and you hear Eren scream angrily from below you. He takes off with his 3D Maneuver Gear and Armin shouts his name after him. He zips across the rooftops again, in pursuit of the abnormal that ate your friend.

You make the decision to follow him, although it is pretty hard to keep up. You hear Eren shout in a fit of rage at the titan, and he probably would have made it if a different abnormal didn't jump up from between two houses and bite his leg clean off. 

Eren crashes into the roof of a house, no longer able to run with his leg being gone. You watch Armin collapse, and at the same time you watch Mina get grabbed by a titan with large eyes and dark hair. 

You slice the nape of the titan's neck who has a hold on Mina, but by then it's too late. She's already been eaten. You land on a rooftop opposite to Eren's and proceed to watch Armin being picked up by the collar by a different titan, one who's bald on the top of it's head has a long grey beard. Before you can make any move, the titan drops Armin into it's gaping mouth. You hear him scream as he falls. You sink to your knees, because you know that you and Eren are the only alive ones left, and Eren might as well be dead already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is really short and not as interesting as a lot of the other ones but the next one will be published by tonight or early tomorrow :3


	8. Jean?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys this chapter is kind of short too and really awkward and a day late but I still hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also I've noticed that for some reason when I indent paragraphs on my writing program it doesn't transfer to ao3, so sorry about that

Before you even have time to decide what your next move should be, you feel someone grab your arm and start dragging you behind them as they sprint away from the scene. You stumble along mindlessly behind them before planting your heels in the shingles of a house's roof before speaking.

"W-wait! My friend is back there, he's critically injured and I don't want to just leave him there to die!" You shout at the person who grabbed you, feeling tears start to make another surprise appearance. 

The person who grabbed you sighs angrily and turns to face you, and you can now see who it is.

It's a trainee girl, a bit shorter than you, and you can see that her ashy brown hair is falling out of whatever bun or ponytail it was previously in. Her face does not look friendly, and she squeezes your arm hard when you protest following her.

"He's gone," She says in a calm, and quiet voice. You decide right then and there that you really do not like this girl. "Come on. We've gotta go, it's not safe here," She says in that same, horrifyingly calm monotone. You hesitate for a moment before making a decision. 

You know now that Armin is gone, and it would be useless even trying to save Eren by now. You only wish that you had had some time to at least say goodbye for the last time before everything went downhill, but unfortunately, it's too late now. And since you're now aware that it's too late, you choose to follow this rude girl, who you have absolutely no intention on trusting.

You run with her still tightly gripping the area above your elbow and running just slightly ahead of you, and you really are tempted to trip her. You understand that she still is just following through with her duties, but she could have been a little bit less harsh about everything. And she really doesn't still have to be grabbing your arm and dragging you along behind her, does she?!

After a few minutes of running and jumping from rooftop to rooftop you spot another group of trainees. They're all standing with their swords ready to attack at any given moment, and the girl leads you right to them. You see that one of them is Jean, and you also notice that Marco is somewhere off to the side. Jean immediately rushes over to you, and the girl who brought you here rolls her eyes dramatically and walks away from you.

"Oh my goodness (Y/N), are you alright?" Jean asks, visibly concerned. He also takes hold of your arm, but not as harshly as the angry girl had. "What happened?" he demands softly, staring into your eyes. You can tell that you're shaking when you feel the tears once again start to form, and you look down at your boots instead of into Jean's eyes. Luckily, Marco catches on quickly to the fact that you're really not in the mood to talk right now, and taps Jean gently on the shoulder.

"Hey Jean, I think that (Y/N) just needs a moment to calm herself down right now, right, (Y/N)?" Marco says quietly and you nod twice behind your hair. Jean sighs shortly and hesitates slightly before dropping your arm. He's about to start walking away with Marco when you mindlessly throw your arms around him in a sensitive embrace, really just needing something to hold onto right now. Jean awkwardly rubs circles into your back with his knuckles as you unwillingly cry into his shoulder, leaving tears on his jacket there. 

You had never been very close to Jean during training, but then again he was never really close to anyone. You find it strange that he all of a sudden is set on comforting you, but right now you don't care who it is. You probably would have even hugged Ymir if she were in his place right now.

"Thank you for your concern," you barely rasp out, and Jean nods understandingly. 

"It's okay, (Y/N). I'll always be here when you need me," Jean replies, and you finally pull away from him. You wipe your tears with the sleeve of your jacket, and then notice the tear stain on Jean's jacket. 

"Oh no, I'm sorry about your jacket, Jean," you mutter sorrowfully, and he turns his neck to look at his own shoulder before smiling sheepishly and shrugging.

"It's okay, really. Do you want to go sit alone somewhere or do you want me to come with you?" Jean asks thoughtfully.

"I'd like you to stay, actually, if you're not too busy with anything at the moment," you respond and Jean's smile widens a bit. The two of you walk over to the edge of a rooftop and sit down, legs dangling over top of the empty pathways below.

Marco notices as soon as Jean leaves him, and speed-walks over to where the two of you now sit. 

"Hey, Jean! We've got stuff that needs to be done over he-"

"Yeah, whatever Marco, I'll do whatever it is later. Can't you see I'm occupied at the moment?" He exaggerates his statement by throwing an arm around both of your shoulders, and you normally would have blushed in embarrassment, but now you only lean into him as a weak attempt to seek comfort in something. 

"But..." Marco starts to say something but trails off with a loud sigh. 

Marco nods slowly in understanding, and Jean mouths something that you can't understand from here. Marco walks away slowly, and starts talking with the short trainee from earlier. 

Jean's arm doesn't move from around your shoulders, and you cry freely again as you stare down off the side of the rooftop. This has all been entirely too much for one day. You find yourself feeling lucky that you're alive, but also incredibly guilty. You also hope that all your other friends are safe, especially Sasha and Mikasa. 

'There's no way Mikasa is dead,' you tell yourself. And you know that she is going to be incredibly pissed off at you when she finds out what happened to Eren and Armin. In fact, you wouldn't doubt that she might even stoop so low as to kill you, if she was angry enough.

And who knows if she will be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions or comments please send them, I love reading comments and I will be trying to reply to all of them as best as I can c:


	9. Mikasa's Scandal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this chapter is longer than most of the other ones because I had a lot of time on my hands today so I hope that you enjoy :3 
> 
> Nothing too interesting happens in this chapter but believe me it's about to get a lot better

About an hour later, Armin had showed up. You had been incredibly shocked to see him, and in disbelief you asked him what had happened. It turns out that Eren had saved him from being eaten by that Titan from earlier, but he himself had gotten killed in the process. He also told you that you were the only one who knew this, and to absolutely not let anyone else know what had happened yet. You had nodded along with tear stained eyes as you heard a retreat bell sound.

A little bit after you heard the retreat bell and after you had calmed down just a little bit, Jean moved away from you to sit in the middle of a rooftop and think. You didn't blame him. Connie was there too, demanding to know what was happening with him. Deep down inside, you knew that you were all doomed. Jean was out of gas and couldn't make the retreat, you were running low on gas yourself and Headquarters was under attack. Armin was traumatized, and you and him were the only ones who knew that Eren had died. The Quartermasters inside were useless, scared out of their wits and unable to function. 

"What are you waiting for?!" Connie was shouting at Jean.

"There's nothing I can do," Jean replies sadly with his head hung low. "They sounded retreat, but I'm out of gas and can't make it up the wall." He says, raising his head but looking at no one in particular. "We're all going to die," He added under his breath. "All because of those cowards!"

"Are you talking about the Quartermasters?" Connie asks with a scowl. "Were they wiped out or something?!" He demands with dramatic arm movements.

"They lost the will to fight," Jean says, and you turn your body around so you can sit cross legged and listen in on the conversation. "Not that I blame them..." He adds, and you feel your face contort into a frown. Connie looks at you for a moment then back at Jean. "They abandoned their duty to keep us supplied and locked themselves in at HQ. Now Titans are all over the place, and (Y/N) and I can't refill our tanks." He explains, and you nod in reassurance when Connie looks at you as if asking if Jean's story is real or not.

Connie hesitates before speaking. "In that case, we have to take a risk and wipe out those Titans!" he shouts, getting angrier by the second. "It's better than wasting our time out here, right (Y/N)?!" He suddenly asks, and Jean turns his head to face you. You really can't choose who to side with here. On one hand you know that Connie is right, that you could still take a chance and try to wipe these Titans out, but you also know that you and Jean's gas tanks are almost out. You might not be able to make it...

"Whatever," Connie spits, deciding that you've taken too long to reply. "The Titans will be on us soon, so we've got to make a plan! Running away aimlessly will only deplete what precious little gas that we have left! If we lose our mobility, we really will be doomed!" He adds, hitting the side of his gas tank. 

"That's unusually good thinking coming from you, Connie," Jean says after a slight pause. "But do you think we can really do that?" 

"The senior soldiers in the vanguard were totally wiped out," you add.

"Who among our cadets could take over in the sure face of sure death?" Jean finishes, and you raise an eyebrow in confusion. What the hell is he talking about? "Even if someone could, we'd be helpless against the Titans..." You're honestly starting to get annoyed with Jean. The situation is already bad enough, why does he have to be overly pessimistic now of all times? "The gas refill facility is probably packed with three to four meter tall Titans. We couldn't get anything done in there."

You notice Connie's facial expression change from angry to slightly sad and a little bit afraid. "So it's hopeless, then?" Connie asks.

"Man, this life sucks..." Jean sighs, and you feel yourself becoming angrier.

"Now really isn't the time to be feeling sorry for ourselves!" You say as you rise to your feet. 

Suddenly, you hear footsteps a little bit behind you. You feel your heart sink when you realize that it's Mikasa. Scared out of your mind, you cowardly duck down to the side of a roof, and stay laying flat against it. 

"Mikasa! I thought you were rearguard," you hear someone say, but she ignores him and keeps running across the rooftops.

"Annie!" You hear Mikasa say without seeing her. "I have a general grasp of the situation. Forgive me for asking something personal, but has anyone seen Eren's squad?" You feel your stomach drop even further and your eyes widen in fear. Connie and Jean both noticed you hiding from her, but haven't said anything. They don't know that he's gone...

"I haven't, but several squads made it up the wall," Annie says calmly and you feel tears start to form in your frightened eyes. 

"You might want to ask Armin over there," Another person says, and you recognize the voice as belonging to Reiner. Oh no... That's it, you and Armin are dead and you know it. Mikasa is going to kill both of you as soon as she finds out, it's only a matter of-

Your thoughts are cut off abruptly by Mikasa shouting "Armin!" And running towards him. You poke your head just slightly over the edge of the rooftop so that you can see what's going on with them. Armin looks just as scared as you are, maybe even slightly more. "Armin, are you hurt?" Mikasa asks. "Are you okay?"

Armin doesn't respond. 

"Where's Eren?" She asks, and you can almost feel her heart break already. "Armin?" She repeats, and he suddenly looks up to meet her eyes. You can see that he's started to cry. 

"Cadets... Of squad 34..." Armin starts to say, "Thomas Wagner... Nack Tius... Millius Zerumski... Mina Carolina... Eren Jaeger..." You pick up on the fact that he did not say your name, or his own. He's only listing off the ones who died... "These five..." Armin continues. "Carried out their mission and put up a heroic fight!" Everyone there either gasps or just stares at Armin dumbfounded. You silently stand upright during all the confusion, hoping that Mikasa won't notice you and that Armin won't throw you under the bus for whatever reason. 

"No..." You hear Sasha whisper in disbelief. You desperately await Mikasa's reaction, and you're ready to spring into action if she ends up trying to kill Armin after all. 

"Squad 34 was decimated?" Someone asks.

"That's what will happen to us if we fight the Titans head-on." Another one pipes up.

"I'm so sorry, Mikasa... Eren gave his life for me." Armin finishes saying, confirming everyone's previous thoughts. "I... Couldn't do anything," he adds. "I'm... So sorry..." You can see he's crying hard now, and Mikasa hasn't even reacted yet. 

"Armin," She says, kneeling down to his level on the rooftop and placing a steady hand over his shaking one. "Calm down. This is no time to be getting sentimental." Mikasa says, and you feel a wave of shock overcome you. She was so set on protecting Eren, but when he dies she doesn't even show a hint of emotion?! "C'mon. Get up," She says as she lifts Armin up off the ground. 

"Marco, if we get rid of the Titans gathered around Headquarters, we could refill our gas tanks and everyone could make it up the wall," She says, walking towards the end of a roof. "Isn't that right?" She asks, and Marco nods. 

"Yeah, you're correct..." He says weakly. "But even with your help, there are too many of them." 

"We can do this," Mikasa says, turning around to face the cadets on the roof. "I am... Strong!" She assures, grabbing her sword out of it's holster and holding it high above her head. "Stronger than all of you. Much stronger! I can scatter those Titans, even if I have to do it myself! You guys are cowards and wusses, without fighting skills." You understand what she's trying to do here, but you can't help but feel like she may be overdoing it. She really doesn't have to seem this cocky to get a point across... 

"I feel sorry for you," She continues. "Stay here and twiddle your thumbs... Watch me do this."

"Now hold on, Mikasa! Why are you saying those things?!" You hear Hannah ask her.

"You plan on taking on that many Titans by yourself?!" Another cadet asks. 

"There's no way you-"

"If I can't, I'll die." Mikasa interrupts the last person who tries to ask a question. "But if I win, I'll live. I can't win unless I fight!" She shouts, facing away from everyone now and looking just about ready to jump off the roof at any given moment. And jump, she does. 

Jean mumbles some things under his breath before raising his own sword as Mikasa darts away in the direction of Headquarters. 

"Hey, did they teach you to let a fellow soldier fight alone?!" Jean shouts, and you back a bit away from him, confused a bit by his sudden change in attitude. "You're turning into pathetic cowards!" 'Hypocrite,' you find yourself thinking un-voluntarily. 

"That was insulting," Reiner mutters sarcastically and him, Bertholdt and Annie walk away from the scene. Marco sighs loudly and smacks his palm against his forehead. 

"Hey, cowards!" Sasha shouts to everyone. "Weaklings. Fools!" She jumps off of the roof and you follow right behind her without hesitation. She smiles back at you, and watching you two leap off of the roof must've started some sort of chain reaction because everyone is right behind you two in an instant, screaming battle cries and flying across town towards Headquarters. Mikasa leads the group, killing Titans as she goes. Jean and Connie are right behind her, followed by you and Sasha, and then everyone else behind you. 

Mikasa is the fastest by far out of everyone there, whipping through the sky gracefully and slaying Titans left and right on her way towards Headquarters. And then suddenly, she falls. And you scream as you fall, too, right after her when your gas runs out completely moments after hers does. You know right then and there that this is the moment that you are both going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting for this moment for so long so the next chapter will be out sometime early this week


End file.
